I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
