Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You were trust falling into bushes
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
