Please, let me fuck your mom
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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