Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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