Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize