well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
