had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
