just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
