If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
