Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
