All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
