Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
