I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
