I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
high people should be assigned attendants
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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