Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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