If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
