I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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