And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
