I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
