I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
