Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
