So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
