Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize