yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
