So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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