i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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