Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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