it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
