i permit you to call me
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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