cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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