He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
