singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
