she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
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If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
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Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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