eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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