i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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