So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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