my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
