Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
