She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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