i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
