U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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