so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
