I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
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I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
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If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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