are you so shy because you have an std?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
