i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
