I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
