yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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