you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I will be naked everywhere
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
