I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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