Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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