He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize