as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hippo gnu deer
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
