I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
