What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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