He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
