how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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