im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
