apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
