Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have fence marks all over my body
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
