do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
