is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Enjoy the penises
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
