I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
