He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
