If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
false alarm. still invincible.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
